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The Worst Kind Of Girl Is The One That Leads People On — I Should Know I Was Her

The Worst Kind Of Girl Is The One That Leads People On — I Should Know I Was Her

***If you missed part one( click here), part two (click here), part three (click here) and then circle back.

After that insanely fucked up incident, it took Queens quite a while to forgive me, but we were able to rekindle our friendship. I don't think I even knew I was always in love with him, I honestly thought I just loved him. Being in love and loving someone are two very different things. However, like my mom's favorite Jamaican proverb goes, "hard ears must feel." Trust me when I say, I've been deep in my feelings for two years. 

Following junior year (fall 2009-spring 2010), which was Queens’ senior year, he relocated to South Carolina for a job offer. Although we were more than 200 miles away, we communicated daily. Our bond was stronger than ever, and he became one of my best friends. There wasn’t anything that transpired in my life that I did not consult him on. Honestly, he could probably produce my biopic. While we began to date other people (my relationship with Jersey fizzled out at the end of junior year), we were always open and honest with one another. As senior year came to a close (spring 2011), and with graduation looming, I began to prepare to transition into a new stage in my life. Commencement day wasn’t what I hoped it would be. There was A LOT of family drama, chaos and it was just simply a rainy, shitty day. However, the one thing that made the day a whole lot brighter was knowing that Queens drove all the way from South Carolina to see me cross that stage. After my commencement ceremony, I stepped away from my family for a few moments just to see him. Later that night, my cousin Claudia and I met Queens at our favorite date night spot Tin Lizzy’s. Watching his interaction with Claudia made me smile. I enjoyed his company, she enjoyed his company, and it just felt right. Graduation wasn’t what I thought it would be, but having him there made everything perfect.

The next day, Claudia and I packed up my entire apartment and made our way back to the Big Apple. Queens and I continued to communicate every day. I was well-aware of the women in his life, and he was well-aware of the men in mine. As a housewarming gift, I sent him two wine glasses I purchased from Lord + Taylor. Roughly a year later, in 2012, we toyed with the idea of Queens coming to New York City to visit his family, and, of course, me. Eventually he agreed, and we settled on a date.

The week he came to visit I was ecstatic. Summer was in full swing in the Empire state, and I wanted to make his trip unforgettable. We made an agenda, but of course he strayed from it, and opted to surprise me at my place of employment. Words cannot describe how happy I was to see him. Later that night we went to Harlem, and then eventually made our way back to Brooklyn for Thai food in Fort Greene. The following day, my cousin Lesley let me borrow her car to pick Queens up and bring him back to Brooklyn. That day he met my best friend Kristina, and we decided to show him what an average Saturday was like for us. We took him to Dallas BBQs, a family-owned chain restaurant that is well-regarded for their Texas-size frozen drinks, sticky wings, and burgers. It was roughly two years since Instagram had debuted, and I was new to the photo-sharing application. Queens and I happened to be wearing matching Michael Kors watches so I thought it would be cute to upload a photo and caption it “His & Hers” (yea, time to give me the side-eye). After dinner, Kris and I took him for a stroll on The Brooklyn Heights Promenade. For those of you unfamiliar, it is an 1,826-foot-long platform and pedestrian walkway positioned over I-278 in Brooklyn Heights. It features breathtaking views of the Statue of Liberty, the Manhattan skyline and the Brooklyn Bridge. Plan get Queens to return to New York City was in full swing. At the time, he was considering going back to school to get his MBA, and New York was a location he was open to.

Once he returned to South Carolina, I can’t quite remember how the conversation transpired, but he mentioned something about us exclusively dating again, and I freaked the fuck out. I was so confused as to why he thought I wanted to be in an exclusive relationship, but looking back on it now I didn’t realize I was leading him on. I had sent him two wine glasses, invited this man to New York City, took him on a romantic stroll, and even captioned an Instagram post, “His & Hers.” If that’s not misleading in this day and age, then I don’t know what is. But I wasn’t even paying attention to my behavior. I genuinely missed him and wanted to see him. I genuinely wanted him to move to New York City to be closer to me, but I still wasn’t sure I wanted to be in a committed relationship with this man. Writing it out now, I can see why you’d think I was playing games, selfish, stupid, inconsiderate, a bitch (hell, all of the above). I'm sure most of the guys reading this are thinking, this n**** needs to leave her alone, but I was honestly oblivious to my actions. I knew I wanted him in my life, but I didn’t know to what extent. He, rightfully so, was pissed. Yet, another royal fuck up under my belt. And, yet again, we would get pass this roadblock or at least so I thought.

Stay tuned for part five…

Written by Nikki Shariee
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