The Moment You Realize You Became A F*&% Girl — & Wish You Could Take It All Back
Okay, let's not get it twisted. I know Jersey loved me, I know that he cared about me (and still do). We just did not speak the same love language. I don't think he knew how to communicate his feelings to me in a way that I could receive it. He's a great person. We still maintain a great relationship, and I hope that we can continue to maintain a great friendship even after all these major truth bombs and revelations. However, there was something refreshing about a man who knows where he sees you in his life. That man was Queens, but I took him for granted.
So, three posts later you all are impatiently waiting for me to spill the piping hot tea that has been steeping over the last few posts. How did I royally fuck up over and over? Well, let's fast forward to one of the major epic fuck ups of junior year. I was living on my own in a gorgeous apartment in midtown (Atlanta), as well as recently received my first car (an Infiniti), and I had two great Morehouse men vying for my attention. Well, technically, by this time Jersey and I were in a relationship, at least according to a mutual friend. And to be honest I had no clue we were official. If it weren’t for the mutual friend who communicated with me about Jersey and I’s relationship status, I would have never known we were in an official relationship, because again he lacked efficient communication skills.
Any who one day Queens and I went on one of our regular rendezvous. Following our date, I was really excited to chauffer him in my new car. While driving him back to his car, I was flagged down by Jersey. Our apartment complexes were parallel to one another so we often rode home together. In fear that I would have to explain why I drove past him and didn't stop, I slowed down and allowed Jersey to hop in the back seat, while Queens remained in the passenger seat. As I continued to drive down James P. Brawley Dr. all I could think was, Fuck why didn't I take the back streets?! Who the fucks drive around all out in the open when they're suppose to be low. Who? This idiot. A few short blocks later, Queens motioned for me to slow down and exited my car, several blocks from where his car was actually parked. Queens was well-aware who Jersey was. However, I am sure Jersey had no clue who Queens was and thought he was just a friend. Honestly, it was the most uncomfortable few moments of my life. So many things were running through my mind. Like, How the fuck did I end up here? What is Queens thinking? Can Jersey feel the tension? In that very moment, I knew Queens would never forgive me. I mean I wouldn't forgive me. Ladies and gentlemen, can you imagine if a man (or woman) stopped to pick up another girl (or guy) you knew s/he was messing with, while you were still in the car? If the roles were reversed, I would NEVER forgive me. On the flip side, can you all imagine if you would have figured out your man (or woman) picked up a female (or male) you thought was just a friend, but it turns out they were messing around on the low? I mean this was an ultimate low. I literally risked two important relationships all at once. I don't think Jersey ever knew, and once he reads this he's either never going to forgive me or definitely take some time to reevaluate who I've been in his life.
There were other shitty things I did, but somehow Queens and I persevered. Somehow, he continued to forgive me. The last straw for him, I’m sure was the summer he came to visit me in New York.
Stay tuned for part four …