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To all the girls who watched their exes get engaged this holiday season

To all the girls who watched their exes get engaged this holiday season

 

 Let me start off by saying sister girl I get it. It's an end of an era. It's the end of a period in your life. Here you are perhaps a couple of years following the end of the relationship, and you still haven't found your happily ever after. Not that your glo up has been stunted in anyway, but your happily ever after (whatever that ideally looked like in your head) hasn't happened yet (in terms of love). Of course, you're happy for him, but a large part of you is mourning. How could the person who caused you so much hurt and pain — the person who obliterated your heart into a million pieces and left you stranded all by your lonesome to become whole again — find happily ever after before you?

Yes, you know you're an educated, beautiful woman, who is confident in who you've become, but there's a part of you that is enduring the aftershock sting. There's a part of you now re-evaluating who you are. Perhaps you just weren't his type, but ever since he popped the question you are here trying to decipher what you are doing wrong in your dating life and whether the type of woman you are putting out there to the male population attracts or repels them. You're wondering were you too high maintenance? too low maintenance? selfish? selfless? were you too blinded by your love you did not see the signs of the individual’s emotional unavailability?

Just because he reached the happily ever after finish line first per say doesn't mean your love story will be any less amazing. It doesn't mean you've been overlooked or forgotten. It simply means it is just not your time. I know right, but why does it have to be his time? Well, baby girl cause God designed it to be. Bear in mind that God makes no mistakes. So it's by divine choice that it wasn't you. Perhaps there are no real answers he could give you besides it was just her and you have to accept that. Whether it's the new girl, the girl he cheated on you with, the girl he left you for or his baby mama, he was never suppose to be yours and that's okay. 

Though this time may be bittersweet it is also the beginning. The beginning of a renewal. The beginning of a clean heart, and a renewed spirit. The beginning of restoration. God is a restorer of all lost things, even if the lost thing was you.

Truth be told after reading this you've come to the realization your sadness is rooted in jealousy. The antagonist in your storyline has come out on top, and has risen from the ashes, but remind yourself baby girl that all our journeys differ. We mature at different paces; we grow and experience life at different paces. Don't allow what you thought your life trajectory should be discourage you. You are not behind. You are living according to the divine clock God has for you, so be patient. Your timing may be different, but the best things usually happen beyond our imaginations.

While I encourage you to NOT go creeping through his social media handles, I am well aware that us women can be emotional cutters so just do yourself a favor, and gather your two best friends to look through his social media handles one good time. However, don't compare yourself to her (she is not the reason it did not work out), do wish them well (would you want someone to wish negativity on your future union? absolutely not!), and please don't get caught slipping by accidentally double tapping. Once you're finished scrolling, be done with it forever (Cardi B voice). Unfollow and block that ass on every social network there is because we all know what’s next: a parade of their engagement pictures, gushy statuses about each other, and finally, pictures of the big day. 

Continue your glo up, and remember you are more than enough + the best is yet to come! 

Written by Nikki Shariee
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