Here's What I Learned When I Broke Up With My Boyfriend for an Old Flame
Okay so you guys remember L? Of course you do he's the old beau I ran into a couple of months ago. Read post here.
So I am full of shit. Completely and utterly full of shit. As some of you may remember, I vowed to never ever ever speak to him again *cue Taylor Swift's "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together." After running into each other on a chilly February night and following the aforementioned post, L reached out to a close friend regarding what was published. I suppose he was flabbergasted that I wrote about him and had the balls to include his text messages. That friend, who was fed up with L and I’s whole ordeal, asked me to speak with him and resolve whatever it is that needed to be resolved. So I did. I spoke with him roughly two weeks after writing the blog post. He stated his case and I opted to let bygones be bygones and let it go. After all it's been two years.
L and I are similar to two charged objects that attract because the interaction of the two charges' electrical fields generates a force that draws the two objects closer together. If the opposing charges are great enough, the two objects may experience an electrostatic shock when they touch. And that sudden burst of electricity is a feeling I crave. It’s like when we’re together time stopped, at least for me. While I didn't make the decision to break up with my boyfriend (who we'll learn more about in the coming throwback Thursday posts) solely because of L, having him back in my life did sway me.
When L reentered the picture my boyfriend and I were going through a very rough time. He made decisions that I felt weren't conducive to his future, let alone ours together. For example, he chose to quit his job prior to having something lucrative lined up. One thing I am unapologetic about is financial stability, as finances are the leading cause of stress in a relationship, according to a survey of people in a relationship or partnership released earlier this year by SunTrust Bank. In addition to finances, a number of things occurred that made me question if this is who I should be with long-term. Basically L had perfect timing.
L is a good guy. He's family oriented, hard worker, funny, supportive and very talented with his hands. We’re the same sign and both endured similar life-altering events, which helped us connect on a deeper level. He's the friend that always have your back. Don't get me wrong he can be a sarcastic asshole, but I appreciate that quality. Overall he was raised right. However, when it comes to trying to make it work with me he just can't seem to do that. Scratch that. He doesn’t want to make a consistent enough effort, which begs me to wonder: what was the point of making an effort to be back in my life if he still wasn’t ready?
But here's what I learned:
My best friend Kristina said the most profound thing to me. She said, “A lot of guys love the idea of you, but lack the maturity to handle the reality of you.” At the time, I didn’t understand, but now I do. L possibly thought he was ready or perhaps he just missed the idea of me and not the actuality of me. I remind myself of this daily.
When a man has a genuine interest in you and is truly invested, a woman will not need to do the pursuing. It is embedded in a man’s characteristics to pursue a woman, and unfortunately L just does not care enough to be with me. It’s like Percy Sledge sang in 1966 on his most infamous love song “When a Man Loves a Woman.” Sledge sings:
When a man loves a woman,
He'll spend his very last dime
Tryin' to hold on to what he needs.
He'd give up all his comforts
And sleep out in the rain,
If she said that's the way
It ought to be.
More importantly, like my mother said, “Marry the man who loves you more than you love him.” Now, I don’t regret my decision. I would happily make it again, because it is something I needed to do to be able to put my feelings for him to bed.
Written by Nikki Shariee
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