The First Thing I Learned About Myself From Dating 'Mr.Sloppy Toppy'
Following last week's first installment, which you can read here, people had questions. One audience member wanted to know why P was referred to as ‘sloppy toppy?’
Well, here I was at 16 a bit ashamed because like I stated in the first post, girls aren't taught to be sexual beings like boys. As a way to ease my anxiety of being called "fast," I would talk with close friends, who reminded me once we reached puberty and beyond it was okay to have an increased interest in romantic and sexual relationships. So on my bus rides home from school I would tell my good friend Dwayne about P, how much I liked him not only for the sex, but for who he is. Dwayne insisted I was just obsessed with his tongue game. Once I described how messy and wet it was (which was a good thing) and from there on out he would say, “So you're going to see sloppy toppy today?” It wasn't a negative term sorta a term of endearment.
Another audience member wanted to know did the sex ever get as good as the head game?
Now let me clarify, I never said the sex wasn't good. In fact, I said it was amazing, but of course a woman's first oral sex experience just like penetration, if done right, will leave a lasting impression.
Another audience membered wanted to know what did I learn about myself from dealing with P for so long? Well, when you have dealt with someone for close to a decade you learn a number of things about yourself. That question cannot be answered in one post, as it is a long-winded response. Let’ start with the first thing I learned about myself—I demand a lot and I am selfish.
At 16 I didn’t know I would go on to fall madly in love with P. At the time I was just in lust. We had fun together, but there was one major problem—his best friend who we’ll simply call C. C was an asshole, always rude and quite frankly I was not having it. I can recall, two particular incidents when I felt disrespected by C. The first was one fall night when P stopped by apartment in Mill Basin. I don’t remember exactly what C said, but I remember feeling highly offended. Another incident, P, C and my cousin Patrick all accompanied me to Soho to pick up my check from American Eagle, my first job. While in Soho, again C said something completely crude. I looked to P to check his friend, but again he did not step up to defend my honor. Here I was raised to believe a man should protect and provide and P did not protect me from the insulting comments his friend continued to spew. So I told P that he should head to Game Stop with C, while Patrick and I waited for my check. Once I received my check, I opted to leave that ass in Soho. My cousin and I hopped on the train and returned to Brooklyn, while P and C checked out the new games. P must have stayed in the city trying to getting in contact with me for hours. He was pissed, but so I was. However, looking back on my actions now it was completely out of line.
Yes, P should have said something to his friend, but there is a time and a place to handle things. My decision to leave him alone in the city when we came as a couple was absolutely out of line and selfish. I was exclusively and only concerned for my feelings and not his. An incident between you and your partner should never include outside parties. It should not be a show and you should not give your partner’s friends a reason to hate you. I can admit, I still make poor choices on how I react to insensitive comments. Thinking about it today, it’s probably one of the main reasons why many of my relationships failed. I love so hard so when I am offended I react without thinking it through. I still haven’t quite learned when it is the right time and a place to address things, but I swear I am working on it.
This is the second installment of The Prim & Perverse’s weekly sex and relationship diaries series. Check back every Thursday for another exciting, life-changing and sometimes embarrassing throwback tryst.
Written by Nikki Shariee
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