#TBT This Is What It’s Like Dating a Guy With Abandonment Issues
Dating B was more often than not magical. He was the most charming guy of my teenage years. He was quite compassionate and always put me first. However, he did have one major flaw—he had abandonment issues. B was raised by his older sister. While his parents were alive, they were not part of his day-to-day life. As a result, he did not receive adequate emotional support from his parents, perhaps due to their own psychological issues, and the impact was pervasive.
Although his abandonment issues did not cultivate an inability to trust loved ones, it did make it hard for him to separate fears of the past from the reality of the present. Fearful I would abandon him as his parents did, he often smothered me. I’m sure you’re thinking being smothered with love is a good thing, but not if it is motivated by someone’s own insecurity about the relationship or fears of losing one’s significant other.
I am an independent woman. Not in the sense I don’t know when to allow a man to be a man, but in the sense I need me time and time for my girlfriends. I need a man who can share unwavering love, but also have a life of his own. Once B and I became serious, he began to neglect his personal social life, often cramping my style. While I became to realize he was needy, I didn’t realize he suffered from abandonment issues until one particular day.
One warm spring day, just weeks before prom, I was hanging out with my mom, cousin and brother. My cellphone was in my bedroom and while I heard it ringing, I opted I would return the call when I was ready. I guess B went into panic mode as he began to track me down by any means necessary. He called my grandmother, my aunt, my cousin, my mother’s cellphone and my house phone (all in the span of 30 minutes). I would have answered, but my mother stopped me. She was eager to see how long he would continue to call. Now it’s not like I went missing for hours or that he did not know I was hanging out with my family. He was well aware who I was with and what we were doing, but someone who suffers from abandonment is often irrational when it comes to communication.
Though we laughed his behavior off, I would soon learn his desire to be with me every single waking moment (and I am not exaggerating) as well as his need to know my every move was indeed no laughing matter. It was unhealthy.
That very day my mom looked me square in the eye and said, “You’re too independent for him. This won’t work.” Little did I know she would be soooooo right.
This is the fourth installment of The Prim & Perverse’s weekly sex and relationship diaries series. Check back every Thursday for another exciting, life-changing and sometimes embarrassing throwback tryst. Read one , two and three.