I often hear single women complain about the dating pool, more specifically how shallow it can be. A woman will whine about not having substantial quality of men to date, but is hesitant to do something about it. For example, I have a roommate who wants to meet guys, but consistently turn down my invites to events. One thing I’ve learned is: the more you go out, the more you will meet people. Let me explain.
Sunday afternoon my friend Amanda and I attended Hillsong Church. Immediately following church, we opted to grab brunch, as most young professional millennials do on the weekends. While downing our bottomless mimosas at Sexy Tacos, a cute eatery in Harlem, a gentleman approached the two carefree black women (ie: us), who were so engaged in girl chat we did not notice the gentleman sitting a few feet away. Friend A conveniently sat in close proximity and when the time was right introduced himself and then a few moments later introduced Friend B. A couple of minutes into the conversation, Amanda and I learned Friend B is counting down to his 30th birthday. While at Sexy Tacos we vibed off their energy as well as learned both guys are God-fearing men, who are involved in the church, which for us was enough to assess whether or not they are psychopaths. After a couple of drinks and Patrón shots, the two men invited Amanda and I to continue the birthday countdown at Bowlmor, a bowling alley located in Times Square. Since our inner sense, like the needle of a moral compass, evaluated the two men as sane we happily accepted the spontaneous invitation.
After returning home to freshen up, we all reconvened roughly around 9 p.m. At the bowling alley our conversations became even more in-depth discussing a number of things such as careers, family, heritage, Rihanna, Beyoncé, etc.
I know you’re reading along thinking: the aforementioned account of events rarely—if ever—happen. However, you are wrong. It is possible. More times than not, men would like to approach women, but we can be a bit intimidating, especially in large groups. So how do we meet men in New York City? Here are four simple, but helpful tips to keep in mind.
1. First step is getting outside of the house and going to different places. I rarely go to Harlem, but Sunday I decided I needed a change in environment. Be open to step outside of your comfort zone and visit new places.
2. Work on being a bit more inviting. If you want to meet a guy to date, you actually have to be open to meeting a guy to date. I am not saying throw yourself at every nice man that approaches you, but engage in conversation. Don’t immediately shut him down, just because you may not be attracted to the man. You never know if the guy that approached you may have a cute brother, cousin, friend, God brother, etc. on his way to meet him. When Friend A approached Amanda and I, we engaged in conversation. We had no clue he was actually with a friend, and had more friends on their way.
3. Smile. Smile. Smile. Dr. Monica Moore, a psychologist at Webster University in St. Louis, conducted research on flirting techniques used in singles bars, shopping malls, and places young people go to meet each other. She concluded that it’s not the most physically appealing people who get approached, but the ones who signal their availability and confidence through basic flirting techniques like eye contact and smiles. Just signaling your interest in someone gets you halfway there, whether you’re a man or a woman, TIME reported. Also, a University of Missouri study stated a woman sitting in a bar who had only eye contact with men had the men approach her 20 percent of the time, but when the same conditions were repeated with a smile the smile helped increased the success rate to 60 percent.
4. Once you've met, if he attempts to make plans with you on the whim, do not immediately shut him down. Hear him out. Let him make the plan and go with the flow. Now yes, meeting a guy and going on a date on the same day can be fatal, but that’s why you create a safety plan. If you’re with a friend, then of course both of you should stick together. If you’re alone, first trust your instincts. A woman’s intuition is never wrong. Trust the energy vibrating off of each other. You will know if you feel comfortable with someone. Also, drop pin your location to a friend and let him or her know where you will be, how long you will be there, when you are leaving and of course when you have arrived home safely. There are apps that allow you to leave breadcrumbs, so to speak, to be traceable.
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