6 Millennial Men Decode the Term 'It's Not the Right Time'
Big Sean said it best when he rapped, “What's the perfect girl if it's not the perfect time?” on "Don't Tell Me You Love Me," which appeared on his 2011 Finally Famous LP. It’s a situation many of us can relate to. You meet someone, your souls are inseparable, you get premature ventricular contractions every time that person is around. You’ve accepted and loved that person’s imperfections, yet it’s not the right time. Ladies, and fellas, how many of us have had someone utter those gut-wrenching words?
Most recently, my colleague experienced that exact devastation. She was dating a guy, whom she was over the moon for and the feelings were genuinely reciprocated. However, a few months later she was told it was “bad timing” for the two to truly explore a relationship together. As she explained their last encounter, I began to wonder, What do men really mean when they say, ‘It’s not the right time'?
I decided to contact a few millennial men to get their honest thoughts. Below are their answers. Thank me later ladies.
It's not the right time to discuss something or to be together? It's not the right time to discuss relationship issues when other more pertinent issues are at hand that may taint the discussion of the relationship. I'm mad about something that has nothing to do with us but if we start talking about us some of that anger that has nothing to do with you may enter into the discussion. This I don't have a clear head so it's not the right time to talk. Now as far as being together, if a guy says it's not the right time, that means he either doesn't feel like he is the man he needs to be to fully take care of you in all aspects or he just wants to have a bunch of girls and for you not to be upset when you start to find out. Ie: I told you it wasn't the right time but you insisted!
Not the right time means 'I have too much shit going on right now.' Relationships require you to deal with not only your problems/issues, but your partner's as well. As a man the issues can be monogamy, financial, religious, mental....anything. So saying not the right time isn't a shot at the lady, it's just an honest acknowledgement. The stupid decisions like fooling around after the acknowledgement is just the human nature of holding on or forcing the issue.
In my opinion and experience not the right time is commonly an excuse I and I'm sure other fellas have used to get out of commitment. Sometimes we know what’s best but are too scared of the "what if" so it’s an easy cop out to just say you aren't ready or it’s not the right time. It can also be an excuse to not hurt the other person due to having a side piece or simply maintaining multiple relationships. And lastly it could sometimes be a legit reason if you truly are a damaged guy and need to work on self and love self before engaging in a serious relationship.
In response to the question what do men mean when they say 'it's not the right time,' there are many answers to that one question. Here are a couple of points I want to offer. Whether women think so or not, guys frequently have a hard time expressing themselves. Part of the reason has to do with them being able to overcome their own insecurities. Being able to open their hearts without being criticized for their shortcomings is key. So it's easier to defer the conversation instead of taking it head on. It's a defense mechanism.
When I say it's not the right time, I mean I like you but I'm not ready to settle down, I'm not looking for a deep relationship honestly scared of making that commitment of going further with you until I'm completely sure you’re the woman I want to marry and have kids with. Also for me I'm still selfish that's my current situation I am really and truly not sure what I want. I may want to relocate settle down somewhere else or do more single things.
It's not the right time to commit 1) when I'm not mentally, and emotionally prepared and available for someone else. 2) if my finances aren't in order. I like to be at a point where I can pick up and go on a reasonably priced, week-long vacation on a moment’s notice. I also like to stick to spending budget each month, and that would include incidentals or date nights with my significant other. 3) if there's a type of woman or fantasy that I haven't experienced yet, then I will hold out until I get that. I would hate to fantasize about some experience that I'll never be able to have with my woman in the early stages of our relationship. 4) there are experiences that I'd like to have as a young man with a career, such as living outside of the tristate area, away from family and friends. Only after these criteria have been met is it truly time to settle down with someone with the intent on long term commitment, in my humble opinion :-)
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