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It's Okay to Look Back So You Can Move Forward

In 2013 I was damaged. Heartbroken. Wounded. A guy, who was in my life for eight years, robbed me of my bliss. When you date someone for one-third of your young life and things come to a sudden end (I met him at 16 and we dated on-again-off-again until 24) it can feel like a paralyzing grief. Following any heart-wrenching situation, you make a vow to yourself to “never do it again.” How cliché?

A few months later, I found myself in Harlem being introduced to my now boyfriend. A dear college friend was in town and wanted to catch-up. It was July and scorching hot—nothing like this summer. When I arrived to Lexington Ave. and 122nd Street, I had no clue I would meet my future beau.

I met my boyfriend at a time I was avoiding the wounds from my ex. I transformed into an individual I did not know. I became distant, uninterested and cold-hearted. He [the boyfriend] had a great deal to put up with. When one wall crumbled, an even taller wall emerged. He managed to successfully climb each wall. But one day his disposition changed. In that very moment I realized it was time to nurse the wound, instead of continuing to slap a Band-Aid on an infected area.

It was a brisk Fall day when I decided to put my big girl panties on and contact my ex (wait don’t judge me yet). Though he tried calling numerous times to reverse the irreversible damage, I blocked him (thank you Apple for the block list). That Sunday I was ready to face my demons.

Unlike most girls, I was lucky enough to receive an apology. Listen up fellas; let me serve you a cup of tea. An expression of regret may not mend her broken heart, but it will surely assist the process.

I not only received an admission of guilt, but also I finally got answers to a number of questions. During our heart-to-heart he admitted to being a coward. He is not confrontational so he was scared of telling me the truth. Although I was beautiful, educated, an amazing cook, etc., he just wasn’t ready. There was nothing I could do. After our talk I felt like I released a great deal of pain.

Ladies, I am not suggesting you should wait for an apology because let’s be real it may never ever happen. I do advise you address the past. Look back so you can move forward. No man should have to reap what he did not sow.

Originally published on Clutch Magazine.

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