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What I Know Now: The Aftermath of Checking Text Messages

Anyone who knows me is well-aware that I am 110 percent against twatching, social media stalking and trolling of text messages. I believe, “For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all” (Luke 8:17 NLT).  However, both men and women, though fellas are too embarrassed to admit it, all fall victim to the intense desire to probe. When an individual embark on a private investigation the inevitable awaits you. The repercussion of playing P.I. goes as following:

A. The investigatee feels violated.

B. The investigator, more times than not has already made up his or her mind, will read things out of context.

C. The investigator discovers what he or she is looking for and is slowly reevaluating self, situationship, relationship, etc.

D. The investigator finds nothing and loses the investigatee’s trust.

No one gains anything by trolling. I know because I've finally succumbed to it. I've had a hunch about a particular situation for nearly six months, however, in true male behavior, he convinced me otherwise. Finally when my hunch, inkling, woman’s intuition (whatever you want to call it) could no longer remain dormant I decided it was time to put my Sherlock Holmes skills to work. I can't help it. I blame the investigative journalist in me. When I finally found what I was looking for—of course— I became livid. Not to mention shorty "oh girl" me. My name is Nicolette Shariee Tucker. You may refer to me as Nikki, Nicolette or Tucker but  "oh girl" sounds like fighting words. I hear "oh girl" and it's time to grab the Vaseline, scarf and Timbs (yes I'm a Brooklyn girl), but let me digress. After 24 years I broke my own rule. Not to mention it was only a short time ago I watched a rerun of “Blood, Sweat and Heels” and sided with Demetria.

When I find myself in a conundrum, such as this one, I call upon my dearest male friend for his wisdom. Five years my senior, I was sure he would have answers to my questions. Little did I know, he too, decided to play inspector gadget and was not fond of his discovery.

Here’s an excerpt of our conversation:

Him: I feel like sh*t!

Me: I’m mad as sh*t!


Jokes aside, we aren’t laughing on the inside. He’s hurt and confused, while I’m disappointed and feel dismissed. Neither he nor I really had a plan prepared.  So what did I learn? A few things:

  1. I strongly believe checking an individual’s phone exemplifies deep rooted problems i.e.:  your inability to trust or the individual’s inability to tell the truth. Either way it’s best to have a conversation with the individual.
  2. Scrolling through one’s emails and/or text messages is an invasion of privacy.
  3. It takes away from the real problem at hand. If you are upset or curious about something the issue now fades into the background because the only thing the investigatee can focus on is the invasion of privacy.
  4. It can take you ten steps back from having a great relationship.
  5. Hold still. Like I stated above it will all come to light, perhaps not on your time but in due time.

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