Another night, another argument. You’re puzzled. You don’t know why her brow is puckered or even the root of the glare. It’s the wee hours of the morning and there she goes again. “You don’t care,” she said. Something you’ve become accustomed to hearing. However, on the contrary, you do care. You’re thinking to yourself you’ve done all that you can, and possibly you have, but it’s still not good enough. You’re caring, consistent and supportive. You pay attention to every detail. Hell you can still recall the exact outfit she wore the day you guys met, but it’s still not enough. You make her a priority, yet she flies off the handle the one time you cannot respond to her in a timely fashion. It’s unfair! You cannot seem to understand what she means when she utters, “You don’t care.” Left in a state of confusion and often offended by those three words you wonder, “How could she think I don’t care?” But it’s not you, it’s not even her, it’s her heart.
She wants to love you, but it’s hard. She remembers the feelings from the last time. The last time was the last time she vowed. What you don’t know: she yearns for your touch, the way a fiend yearns for his/her drug. Love is such an emotional high for her that she fears what can happen once it’s taken away. She fears the relapse. She fears falling for a guy to be left disappointed and wounded. She fears losing yet another piece of her soul to an individual who was not deserving. So she fights you. Every time you climb one wall, you’re bombarded with another. You might as well be trying to climb the Great Wall of China.
So what should you do?
Be patient. Like any wound it takes time for a broken heart to heal. More importantly it’s the posttraumatic stress that she endures.
Help her nurse the wound.
Learn to not take things too personal. She’s learning to see you and judge you for what you are doing and not what those other dudes did, but every now again she may say something that stings.
Understand the root of the problem. For example if she constantly says, “You don’t care.” Ask for an explanation.
Remain consistent. You’re consistency is what will allow her to see you’re in it to win it.
Make her feel secure.
Always remember it's not you.
Ultimately she just wants to know you’ll be here for the long haul. She has learned to only trust the game. Now she needs to learn to trust what you’re offering is not game.