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Let's Talk About Insecure + the Difference Between the "What If" Guy & the "One That Got Away"

Let's Talk About Insecure + the Difference Between the "What If" Guy & the "One That Got Away"

This fall, our favorite awkward black girl Issa Rae made her debut onto late night television with the highly anticipated show Insecure, which follows the awkward experiences and racy tribulations of a modern-day African-American woman. At the commencement of the season we met all the key players of Issa’s life: Molly, Lawrence, Kelli, Tasha and Daniel. From episode one we watch Issa and her romantic interest and live-in boyfriend Lawrence experience a relationship rut. The couple’s relationship had been set adrift due to Lawrence’s years long unemployment, tendency to sit around their shared apartment in sloppy gear working on his app, and evade certain jobs because they weren’t good enough for him. Oh and let’s not forget oh boy forgot her birthday— a MAJOR NO, NO!

Amid this relationship rut, Issa finds herself rekindling a friendship with the “what if” guy aka Daniel via Facebook (what good can come of that? Not a goddamn thing). We all have one. You know the old flame who has an exalted place among your past loves. The guy who gives you premature ventricle contractions from across the room. You feel ridiculous toying with the idea, and it even infuriates you, but you can’t help it. A “what if” guy is the worst type of guy. He's like the cousin of fuckboys. He's the dude that will have you losing all your shits, debating are you even in the right relationship. After all, what if you would have had an opportunity to explore a relationship with this dude?

Daniel slides up in her DMs as a typical “what if” nigga would do with the “Happy Birthday. I miss you” message, and instantly her vajeen is wet and she forgets she’s responding to him at home, where she shares an apartment with her live-in boyfriend. At that moment she thought the very thing we’ve all thought: how different would my life be if I actually went after what I wanted?

As the season continues and Lawrence struggles to get his shit together, Issa made a very poor decision—she #$%!ed Daniel. I mean ladies let’s be real, how many times have we let another nigga cloud our judgement? Like you know the other nigga is the right choice or you know you need to at least sit down and have the conversation you’ve been dreading, but in walks this fine AF nigga into your life and you decide to prolong the inevitable. Now add into the equation he’s been your kryptonite for years and you’re just hoping for one opportunity to see what things would have been like. C’mon you and I both know you probably would have #$%!ed him or found yourself in a very sticky situation. We've all made similar mistakes or the same exact one. 

But the problem with the “what if” dude, things rarely ever go as planned. He just causes more drama in your life—ahem Issa is now a cheater and she lost Lawrence as a result. So how do you handle this kind of guy? I got you covered.

Here’s how to spot The "WHAT IF" DUDE:

The “what if” guy is different from “the one that got away.” What’s the difference? As stated in the Thought Catalog (and I agree), the one that got away is a good person, your breakup didn't change your opinion about this. This individual is someone who deserves love in his life, someone would be lucky to be with. Now I’m about to get all the way real with you. The “what if” guy, as so eloquently stated by my friend Jess, is the dude you never entertained or had the chance to actually see if it would work out, but you always known it would've been a shit show because of where both of you were at the time. He’ll say he misses you and wish things could have worked out differently, and conveniently forget it didn’t work out differently because of his poor choices (well most of the times it’s the guy’s fault, sometimes ours).

And here are five tips so you don’t find yourself on your couch, single with a bottle of wine and your version of a Molly.

1.     Don’t let your vajeen do the thinking. Yes, he is still fine AF, but you got to use your head here ladies.

2.     Be productive AF. Idle time is terrible when the “what if” guy comes strolling in your life. Daydreaming is dangerous. Spend 10 minutes and all of a sudden you’ve planned your breakup with the current dude, wedding, baby shower and 50th wedding anniversary.

3.     Be proactive. Delete and block his ass, especially if you’re in a relationship, and especially if you’re experiencing a relationship rut. It should be hard AF for him to get access to you. You should be so guarded and protected, when he comes across your name on social media this emoji should be there to warn him off.

4. Text or call your “Molly.” If you can’t seem to have any self-control, my friends and I have a system that works for us. If we want to talk to an old nigga that we shouldn’t be in communication with, we’re to hop in the group chat and text one another as if we were speaking to said boy so we can at least get the thoughts out of our system. 

5. If you just cannot silence that annoying little voice in your head, meet in a public venue, get your damn closure and put the "what if" to rest. But realize, he may not ever give you a real answer. 

If you have any tips of your own or want to share a story, feel free to DM me. 

Written by Nikki Shariee
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