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What Cheating & Faking an Orgasm Has in Common

What Cheating & Faking an Orgasm Has in Common

It is often noted women are better at cheating than men. Why you ask? Well, according to Helen Fisher, Ph.D., biological anthropologist and chief scientific advisor for online dating sites Match and Chemistry, “Women naturally think more contextually. They consider long term vision and potential consequences much more thoroughly before acting.” I for one can attest to Fisher’s theory.

B and I decided to attend college just four hours away from each other. I helped him get into Savannah College of Art and Design, where he would play basketball; while I received a scholarship to the illustrious Clark Atlanta University. At the tender age of 18, we believed we could truly make a long distance relationship work. Boy were we naïve.

I arrived on CAU’s campus fall 2007. During this time, the institution was in the midst of renovating the girls’ freshmen dorm. As a result, I was placed in an upperclassmen apartment style home off campus. It boasted four bedrooms (each had its own bathroom), in addition to common areas such as a spacious living room and dining room. Amenities included not only a washer and dryer, but also parking, a gym, a pool and a game room. I was basically living the plush life.  A girl, who was my best friend at the time, was also placed in the same off-campus housing just a floor below me. Just a few feet away, across the hall from her was an uber cool guy from Los Angeles. Later that week, he introduced us to his “cousins.” Both of his so-called “cousins” attended Morehouse College. One was so goddamn fine and I knew I would be throwing the panties at him very soon, but there was one problem—B.

As Fisher stated, I quickly weighed the consequences. If I were to cheat I of course would be the worst person in the world, but how would he find out? For one he lived four hours away, and since basketball season was due to start any moment he would not be able to make a surprise appearance anytime soon. I also rationalized that I was young and technically not married, so I could do as I please. After assessing the pros and cons, I opted to live life to the fullest and take the risk.

As you can recall, B suffered from abandonment issues so us being so far apart began to have an adverse effect on him, while for me I was relishing in my new found space and freedom.

One night following several emotionally draining conversations with B, my new LA friends, my roommates, my best friend and I were all kicking it. I want to say we were watching Shottas. I cannot recall all the details nor can I remember how the “cousin” and I maneuvered sneaking into my room unnoticed, but we did. The “cousin” stood close to six feet tall, medium built, milk chocolate skin that glistened, and a mesmerizing west coast swag.

While he was by far the finest thing out of the west coast, he was an utter disappointment. It was the WORST sexual experience a girl could have. I mean how could a man be close to six feet tall and have such a small penis? How is this even possible? Shouldn’t there be some height to penis size ratio God uses when he creates men? Not only was his penis small, but he also climaxed in a little under five minutes (cue “One Minute Man” by Missy Elliot featuring Ludacris and Trina).

 That night I learned three very vital pieces of information: 

 1. How to fake an orgasm for the first time.

2. If you’re going to cheat conduct extensive research so you don’t waste your cheat card on a useless candidate.

3. It doesn't count if you cannot feel anything, at least that's what I told myself. I mean there’s no way I am counting something I could not feel.


This is the sixth installment of The Prim & Perverse’s weekly sex and relationship diaries series. Check back every Thursday for another exciting, life-changing and sometimes embarrassing throwback tryst. Read one, two, three ,  four and five.

Written by Nikki Shariee
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