Ladies, I am sure we all can concur deciding when to let go of a situationship, relationship or marriage can be quite an emotionally daunting task. However, at some point when you are stagnant and not completely happy, a decision has to be made. You know it, I know it, and anyone who is familiar with this matter knows it. But when does the "ah hah" moment occur? When do you realize the table you've put all your damn feelings on is not even in the same room as the individual? More importantly, that individual may not ever enter the damn dining room to acknowledge your goddamn feelings that are just sitting on the damn table. When do you decide it is time to pack up your shit and leave?
This has been a topic of conversation over the course of the last few weeks. I, myself, have been trying to resolve my own little situation. So, I reached out to a few millennial women to have them share that very moment they knew it was time to let it go. If you too are beginning to realize you are worth more than being half loved, but need a little push, here’s what they had to say. Because this is such an intimate revelation, I’ve decided to maintain discretion.
J said, “I think it clicked in my last 'relationship when I realized we were only having sex over the course of four months and the constant 'let's live in the moment' statement from him. I took that as me overthinking, so I wanted to just live in the moment. Slowly but surely red flags appeared. He wasn't valuing my time, was doing illegal things that at one stage of my life I would shrug off and our interactions were centered around sex. I knew in the back of my head that he wasn't right for me but he had dumped me before and I didn't have closure so when he came back I was just on board to continue wasting my time because I didn't know how to let go. I honestly left it up to God. I prayed and told Him that I didn't have the strength to leave him because it was better than being alone. He showed me attention and I liked it but I knew his core values didn't line up with mine and I was headed in a different direction. I knew his hood ass would hold me back but Lord knows I love me a hood nigga. Soon after, I went to his house on my period and instead of being considerate of my shedding walls, he got pissed that I wouldn't give him head and broke up with me the next day via text. I was upset, but thankful. Sometimes when you're not strong enough you gotta ask for help. It took me a while to get over him but in the end, he wasn't for me and God was tired of seeing him not treat me the way I deserved.”
C said, “Well I have a friend that's actually going through it with her husband. She's pretty much at her breaking point as far as feeling like her husband puts his friends before her and he isn't as attentive and helpful with the kids and home. The communication is not there on his end whatsoever. Now that she’s taking classes on campus for the summer he's been checking her phone and assuming she's talking to someone. She feels like she is married to a child instead of her best friend. She suggested martial counseling but he believes it isn't needed. I informed her that unless this issue is resolved it will continue to put a wedge in between them. They will continue arguing about this same damn thing for years to come. She's cried, prayed and threatened to leave. She can't even focus on her school work because of her pain. She loves him and her family but she's feeling heavy right now. I believe the moment you give up and start praying, it could very well be your breakthrough.”
J (number 2), said, “It's time to stop fighting when you realize dating is supposed to ADD to your life. Basically I can do/feel bad alone. So why waste energy? In the past I've cut people off completely.
A said, “Goodness where do I begin. Idk I was just so very tired. Emotionally and mentally. I thought about arguments we had consistently and when I wasn't thinking about the arguments. We were arguing. It weighed heavy on my heart, almost literally. I walked around with this weight every single day. One day I was like enough. ‘Unhappiness only last as long as you allow it.’ Once I grasps that concept (I had to literally say this quote to myself, wrote it down on multiple post-its) my way of thinking started changing and I just couldn't take anymore. I was so focused on making me happy I told him I'm going to focus on me and he should focus on him and we went our separate ways.”
A (number 2), said, “When I realized that no matter how good of a woman you are, if he doesn’t want to commit he never will. You have to decide what you want out of a relationship. I have too much to offer to be half loved.”
A (number 3) said, “When I realized I have to lie to him to get his attention. That’s counterproductive AF. It should never be that serious. How many times does one have to put his or her feelings on the table? So I decided to leave those feelings with him and take my clarity. It’s not a fight if you’re the only one battling. The last straw was the avoidance of a direct conversation about it.”
K said, “When I got tired of feeling sorry for myself.”
B said, "When you look in the mirror and remind yourself you are too fabulous for this shit."